Silently
I sit silently on the cushion at your gaming corner. You don't seem to acknowledge my presence but that's no surprise. I see you're still awake. You seem to have trouble sleeping ? It's been happening for months. It hurts when I see a tear run down your face, I really want to comfort you, to hold you but would there even be any point?
", wake up," 's little sister shakes him awake.
reluctantly opens his eyes, "What?" A uncaring tone is released from his voice box. Nothing seemed to matter to him any more.
I wish you'd cheer up. Move on... maybe I can't comprehend with your feelings. Actually, I know for a fact I can but still, it's times like these where you need to realise that it's time to move on.
", you have to come see this," his little sister grabs him by the hand. "Believe me, you'll be over the moon!"
", leave me alone."
starts getting annoyed with his attitude and decides that surprising him won't do good, she just tells him straight, "'s downstairs!"
"What?" looks at her in surprise, not being able to take in what had just told him.
"'s downstairs. Come on!" She pulls a stunned out his bed, "She looks as pretty as ever. Are you happy she's back?"
Still being guided by his sister, he walks down the stairs, feeling cold from the open front door. He ducks to avoid the low ceiling mid-way through the stairs. Before he reaches the bottom of the staircase he sees - who is his girlfriend. It had been two long months and his hope of her waking from the coma were disintegrating. He still couldn't believe his eyes.
"!" enthuses, running in for a hug.
"Hey , how have you been?" lowers herself to see face-to-face.
"I'm really happy. E-spe-shi-ally now you are here," her face gleams with delight. Five year old pulls into the house, "I started school and made lots and lots of friends."
"Aw, I'm happy to see you too ," hugs her tightly, "You'll have to tell me more about school later, yeah?"
"Yeah," the toddler runs to the kitchen calling for her mother.
stands in front of , it seems strange to be able to see her again, "...is this really you?" He knows the question sounds silly but the situation still seems unreal.
"It is," grins.
wakes up from his dream, sadness cast over his face when reality comes to realisation. wasn't with him, in fact, she may never be. A couple of months ago she had driven to his house, as they hadn't seen each other for a while. Eventually the visit had to come to an end as would have to return back to work - she had only booked a little time off - the distance between and her is quite far. More to the point, had asked to stay for a while longer, he even offered to take her to work and bring her back. However, rejected his offer, opting for convenience. Like always, waited for 's call - keeping himself busy whilst doing so - so he knew she got back. He had waited an hour now and started getting worried - leaving messages on her phone. The hours became more as he stared at his clock. "Hey , it's . I'm getting worried now. Call back, okay?" he said then. Eventually he received news from 's father that she had been in a car accident. That was two months ago and still hadn't woken from the coma.
Unnoticed to him it was now morning, he thoughts hit reality when a knock came on his bedroom door, "?" walked through and sat on his bed, "Me, mummy and daddy are going to see at the hospital. Her family are there. Are you going to come?"
"No," said in a depleted voice, he hadn't visited for weeks, "No , I'm not going."
"But would want you there."
smiled at his sister and combed through her hair with his fingers, "It's too hard . You go though, okay?"
"Please come?" sat with her legs crossed on 's bed. "Even if 's not awake your still in her heart and she's with you here and here," she pointed to her heart first then her head - representing the mind.
chuckled, "You know, sometimes , I wonder if you really are just five."
"You could help me give her this picture I drawed, yesterday," she brought out a folded paper and held it to with both hands, "Do you think she will like it?"
"I'm sure she'll love it. Okay, let's go then."
"Yay," hopped off the bed and ran out the room.
held his sister's hand as they headed downstairs. He heard his name being called, "?"
"Yeah," he replied.
"Would it be okay if just you and went to the hospital? Your Nan's pulled her back again," his mother shouted from kitchen, by the sounds of it she was on the phone - probably to his nan right now.
"Yeah. Come on , let's go," he insisted.
"Hello, how can I help you, Sir?" the receptionist asked.
"Hey...erm...I'm here to see ," he choked on his words.
"Name please?"
" ."
"May I ask what relation you are to her?" the receptionist asked.
He hesitated; having second thoughts on the visit, "Boyfriend. I'm her boyfriend." The receptionist smiled and had a small talk with . After the conversation guided his sister through to the room.
"? Will wake up? She's been asleep for a long time," asked, trotting along, still holding her drawing.
"Let's hope so," he took a deep breath before opening the door to the room was in. He had almost forgotten what looked like as he quietly gasped at all the machines and tubes. He definitely knew it had been too long since his last visit.
"She's so pretty," stated, letting go of 's loosened grip and walked towards . "Hey , I wish you'd wake up already. I know you're tired but I drawed you this picture. I'm just going to put it on the table, so when you wake up you can look at it," she smiled and carefully leaned the drawing against the photo frame - which was a picture of her and on their first holiday.
", I need to go," said feeling a bit uncomfortable.
laughed at his little sister, "Okay." He watched as she quickly ran to the bathroom, which was like a small en-suite to 's room. After hearing the door lock he turned his attention to . "Hey , it's been a long time," he brought the guest chair closer to the bed and sat. Whilst taking hold of 's left hand with both of his and kissing her knuckles subtly, "I'm sorry I haven't visited much. I guess I'm scared. Scared that you may go...and...and we won't be able to see each other again." He spoke to her for a while more, whilst sat around the table with her colouring book.
I'm in awe. The picture drawn by is beautiful; I wish I could tell her that. I wish I could tell how much his words mean to me and how I don't blame him for not visiting me. I could never hold anything against him. There's a lot of things I wish but doubt any of it will happen. Not whilst in this state. I can't help but cry. I never thought I'd hear anything like that come from . If only I could tell him how I felt. This is all getting too much. Watching my limp body is harder than I thought. Why can't I be conscious again? I can't translate anything to him. I can't even give him any signals. The time may have come for me to just let go. I'm holding for life but it still doesn't seem enough.
", it's time to say good-bye," said rising from his seat and wiping his teary eyes.
"Okay," went up to 's bedside, holding her hand, "See you . Wake up quick." She went to walk away but, ", won't let go."
stopped on his tracks, "What did you just say ?"
", she won't let go of my hand."
walked towards , not long after his head rose alertly. The heart monitor beeped quickly and constantly. "?" He called looked at her with eagerness. ", stay here okay? I'm going to get help."
The nurses and doctor came running through 's monitor beeps were still constant. It wasn't long until the heart monitor went back to its previous stat.
"Come on ," gently pushed by the back and took her towards the door, "'s not awake." He told with disappointment. He took one final look back, then his head sunk as he walked back to the car park.
I tried.
A month was passing and kept himself room-bound. The last visit had made him lose all hope in 's awakening. He didn't want to be pessimistic but he couldn't see the situation go any other way.
"," a voice behind him calls.
TO BE CONTINUED...